tHE dARK sIDE

Most of us have somewhat an understanding of death; what it is, what it means. We don’t fear it. At least not until we come very close to it.

Our perception of death is different to what death really is. We only know it as a trifling of hurt in comparison to the lifetime of hollowness it is. Films and books will always hide from you, the months or years we cry ourselves to sleep, despite the fact that we graduated, got a promotion or met the man of our dreams. Those things do not fill the hole. Once you lose a loved one, a sister, a parent or child, you cross over into the opaque world. It can only then be seen in your eyes. 

I’ve met with death before. It’s a cold demon you never want to cross paths with, but one that you eventually will. It takes what it wants, when it wants it and doesn’t give a dam for the pain it causes to the world.

A few weeks ago, I listened to a radio ad for Red Cross. It’s a real life phone call between a paramedic and a mother who’s just found her thirteen-month-old baby lifeless and blue. Hearing the distressed mother try to resuscitate her child is the most chilling thing you could possibly listen to. It brings you very close to the reality of death. It will creep under your skin and give you a taste of fear.
But. It will also have you think about taking a first aid course, because you never know when you might need to save a life the way this brave mother did.

Chills*

gIGGLE mE tO tHE pAST

With such excitement over the long weekend my family and I decided to go to Shelly Point just a short drives distance from Langebaan, up the West Coast. The weather sported buckets of rain and had us trapped inside for two days, encouraging us to bond as a family over board games and old DVD’s. ‘Old’ is accurate. From behind the dusty television set, a copy of Leon Schuster’s “The Millennium Menace” was our source of entertainment. And man did we crack it!

If you don't know Leon Schuster, there's something wrong with you. Every South African knows of this Afrikaans speaking, humour filled white guy, that masks himself as every race and gender. He's hilarious. He's a professional con-artist so to say, someone that thrives on pranking innocent South Africans in public places, every time to produce a massive smile on their face once his identity is revealed.

To look back on his first ever skits was a trip down memory lane. Its what we loved as children and it brought the family together in erupts of laughter. It was the talk of the western cape, this Leon dude wat maak ons lag, lekker!

The most memorable skit in this old but always fresh movie is when they pretend to be shooting a commercial for ‘Rainbow Yogurt’. They pull a man up who clearly loves the camera, and have him practice lines, his attempt to entice his audience into this yummy tasting yogurt. When they send him off for make-up, they fiddle with his yogurt, adding Tabasco sauce, vinegar and a bunch of other hot ingredients. Let me not spoil the rest. Watch out for the last guy, it's brilliant! 

iS yOURS wAXED?

Here’s a question. When you go and get your vagina waxed, do you put it up as your Facebook status? Or maybe you just call a friend to let them know that you just had it done, and in fact, this time went for the full-monty instead of the usual landing strip. You’re most likely not one to share such information, so the thought of telling people how sensitive your girlie parts feel today is more than a bit of a cringe.

Ding Dong! Queue the Queen Bee Salon and Spa! My god but does this salon not shy from the raw facts behind waxing and beautifying the devil down there. I only discovered this confident and casual beauty spa, because of their brave and upfront print ads. Such as these!

Very comical. A bit shocking at first; uncomfortable to the eye. I don’t like to imagine bare chickens running around. They seem less healthy that way. But, it’s not as bad as the hairless cat. I’d purposefully run that thing over without flinching. I’d even smile while I did it.

Lets not forget the bloody beaver. Cute animal, usually. This one reminds me of those seventy six year old gym fanatics that take steroids and pump iron like a teenager can.

Yes, it’s a different site at first, but you have to admit that it’s really funny once you notice what the ad is for.

I like it because it’s simple but it’s cheeky too. Take something cute and make it ugly. How dare they? But they did. And we like it.

It’s not to say that if you come to the salon and get your lady bits waxed that it will look ugly. Of course not. They’re simply sending out the message that any part of you, big or small, can be waxed, without a problem and without leaving one strand of hair behind. Basically, they're the best beauty spa on the market. They best way to communicate this, is to take something fluffy, something that we only really ever see with hair on it, and take the hair off. It worked. 

To further the bold statement, a visit to the website will introduce you to the confident tone and manner of the staff at Queen Bee Salon & Spa. No joking around. Why use the word blemish when the word pimple exists? And why soften the talk when you could just say it the way it is. Trust me. I did feel slightly uncomfortable when I started reading the blog. I was shocked to read certain truths and didn’t want to admit to them. But what really fascinated me was that it is written with such honesty and bravery. Most things that women hate to ask each other in case they are ‘weird’ for having that, or doing that, or feeling that, is all spoken about on the website. And it suites the print ads perfectly. What you see is what you get.

So do yourself a favour. The next time you travel over to your local beauty spa to get your precious princess groomed, open up a little. Ask the questions you really want to ask. Don’t beat around the bush.

gIA

The Film

Truth in any movie allows our eyes to see what is real. “Based on a true story”. We sit back and observe a life lived by another and watch blissful or miserable moments shape the lives of the depicted characters. This is our way of understanding the part of life that carries no colour. The part that we don’t understand, or possibly the part that we may have met with before, either way, an introduction to death, drugs, rape and more.

Smell the raw meat darling.

With any walk of life being complicated enough as it is, watching a dramatized version of another person’s life, watching them fail, is what makes us feel better and what reassures us that our lives are not all that bad. Any documentary or biography is far more entertaining than movies with cheesy happy endings that a five year old could predict. And one of those chilling works of art is a movie called ‘Gia’.

Based on the short lived life of Gia Marie Carangi, America’s first super model, the movie drags us through her filthy mess of a path as she try’s to further her career in modeling whilst battling her addiction to heroin and coming to terms with her sexuality. The film takes us through a life of curiosity and shows us how one child grows to become a breathing corpse who dies a cold soul at the young age of twenty-six from HIV.

Played by Angelina Jolie whom could only play her best, Gia births the movie and enthralls you with a kick ass personality and wild sense of humour.  You can’t help but be amazed at her. You want to be her. She’s full of life, sweet and delicious and you slowly watch her diminish in substance as she becomes stale and poisonous. Her fight with heroin.

The acting is that of another level. It’s real. Each character is played with such commitment and truth that you forget that you are watching a remake of somebody’s life. You cry with them, not for them. It’s beautiful.

As can be expected, most movies must be exaggerated, and as much as this one is too, it’s still so convincing. I only imagine Gia with a face identical to Angelina Jolie, no matter how many times I research the real Gia. That’s how well Angelina played her role. Certain scenes in the movie, when compared to actual interviews with Carangi are practically word for word. It’s powerful.

With most other movies that are based on true events, I don’t urge to find out more. With Gia, it’s what I needed to do. I started researching her, finding pictures of her and staring at them in awe. Why her? This young beautiful crystal of a thing spun out of control, all to get that feeling of numbness again. How pathetically unfair.

This movie I can watch a good few more hundred times. It’s long. It’s dramatic. It’s raw. It’s there. It’s Gia 

Gia Marie Carangi

tITS iN dISGUISE

 

Unnaturally over time we have become far too obsessed with our appearance. Why is our hair appointment on Monday afternoon more important than grans birthday lunch? Surely there are more serious things to worry about before spending our money on fake tans and expensive jeans that give off the illusion of a smaller bum? How about breast cancer?

Too often with any illness, regardless of our knowledge on the subject, we neglect to take it seriously. A monthly check up takes up too much time in our busy schedule. But when we do feel a small lump on the bottom of our left breast, we freak out with impatience to find out what it is. Thoughts then start racing through our head. Have we caught it early enough? Is it too late? Am I going to die?

For those of us who have met with cancer, who have sat and dined with the retched killer, for us, cancer awareness means a little more than most would ever possibly understand.

I found this campaign on the Internet and it caught my attention immediately. The insight looks at how woman are only concerned about diet and their overall look, and are not focused enough on their health and maintaining a conscious lifestyle.

The advert is executed in a clever way. A woman’s breasts are used in each image disguised as every day concerns. A bad hair day, a blemish on the face or the weekend’s comfort food packed into our backside. Sure enough cancer should to any woman be an every day concern too? The ad is clever in that it allows for woman to relate. Every woman knows what it feels like to have a ‘fat day’. It’s horrible. And we all know what it feels like to blame the washing machine for shrinking our jeans when we very well know that we’ve put on a bit of weight. Is this campaign going to reach woman? I think so. Cancer is so common amoung young and older woman these days that everyone knows one or more people that have or have had cancer. We support each other as woman and stand together. This ad tells woman to buy a pink ribbon, wear it and make cancer more aware to those that are still fussing over little things that are far less important than the things that can change our lives, for the better or the worse.

Support the cancer awareness campaigns and feel proud to stand with woman.

sOMETHING a lITTLE dIFFERENT

Naturally as television has commanded of us, we all aspire to be really tall and irregularly thin. Similar to what we call magazine worthy. Our self-doubt gets shunted into our draw of ‘things to work on’, and we continue to lie to others and ourselves through our mask of over confident and sociable personalities. For the lovelies that need not worry about any sort of weight problem, a casual weekend job for a page in glamour is nothing but a quick drop in. Why wouldn’t it be? Hair, nails, tan, bikini line, its all been taken care of once a week by Sandy at the day spa just upstairs in Cavendish. I don’t mean to poke at any model type figurines, only to explain that I being very short, and noticeably Greek on the hips, had never thought that I would be used for any sort of modeling. Look at a midget. The average height of a midget is four feet or approximately 1.2 meters. I’m not far from it. So, when I was approached by YOU magazine this weekend to be part of their hair makeover addition I was more than surprised. Of course I said yes.

I didn’t think much of the makeover until the very morning. Only then did I start to ponder on the fact that I was going to be put in clothes that may or may not fit to my body shape, regardless of whether I liked it or not. Have my makeup done by somebody else that may think natural is the new gothic and have my hairstyle done by some alternative hairstylist that may give me a seven-centimeter trim. I realized that I might end up looking like a tit.  

When I arrived no more than a minute late, everything was very well organized. Someone greeted me, took my things and walked me to my hairstylist who very politely introduced herself with a rosey attitude and a great sense of humour. She explained in detail the four different looks that we’d be doing and informed me that no colour or cut was coming near my hair. This was a makeover addition that shows woman how to style their hair for different occasions. Phew. I’ve recently started growing out my colour and allowing my hair to lengthen, so a cut or colour or any sort would have dampened the mood a bit.

The atmosphere was filled with discussion of which angles to shoot at, what dress would suit that particular occasion better and how the shots could be done within the time limit. Far in the corner was I. Sitting in the chair with curlers in my hair quietly getting my face put on. I started to feel a little intimidated. Soon, I’d be asked to get in front of the camera and strike a pose. What the hell? I had forgotten to run over this minor detail before I agreed to do this.

Images started flashing in my head. Shots from magazines, fashion TV and Facebook showoffs. These professional girls all do that same face but how do you do that face that they do? That face. The one where the eyes stare cold, the mouth hangs open and the neck looks snapped. That’s it! The dumb look! How on earth do I imitate the dumb look? I started to sweat. I started hoping that for some reason they wouldn’t need to use me anymore. “There we go sweetie, we’re all done with your face’. Oh shit.

Hair done, garment pinned and face powdered, I moved to stand in front of the white screen. Suddenly a big flash stunned my eyes and I embarrassingly had to regain my vision before we could start. “Ready?” No. The photographer pointed a massive camera directly into my direction making me feel a bit like prey to his lens. Another flash went off throwing me off guard and then another, then another. I was repeatedly asked to smile, show more teeth or push my chin out throughout the fist round of shots. I felt like an absolute asshole. 

When the round of shots were finally over everyone hurried over to a massive screen where all the photos where displayed. They all loved it, complimenting their work and my “beauty”, while I stood there disgusted at how my neck looked abnormally long. This was only round one.

Four looks meant four changes, four makeup applications and four hairstyles. Most of the time I felt uncomfortable, but that was only because I’d never had to do something like this before. I realized that what you feel may look nice does not necessarily translate too well on camera. Sticking your chin out as far as you can, may feel stupid, but on camera it’s what makes the picture. We continued with the day, finally to finish with four great looking photos and a very red faced me.

I enjoyed being the center of attention for the day. Having everyone fuss over me, run up to me mid shot and fix a glitch in my hairdo. It felt nice to get pampered. Would I do it again? Probably although I’d prefer to have an armature friend who has a love for photography take pictures of me in my back garden. That way both of us can decide if we like the photos or not. In two months time the YOU magazine will bring out their hair makeover addition. Look out for the girl with a crooked neck. That’s me.

tHIS iS sCRABBLE

Did you know that an elephant’s brain weighs 5kg?

Never knew that, did you?

It has the largest brain of all the land animals. Studies have shown that a wide variety of behaviour’s allied with intelligence are accredited to elephants. The structure and complexity of an elephant’s brain is similar to us humans. How enthralling are these creatures? I’ve only ever known of their outstanding memory, so to find out that intelligence is another of their attributes heightens my praise exceedingly. Gorgeous animals.

What I find fascinating about this print ad (one of a few) is the use of the visual. It’s visually driven. One could interpret that the purpose of using the elephant (an intelligent animal) was to interpret the games level of difficulty, (not hard, but hard enough to make the player think, as scrabble makes you do). If not, the random choice of animal did them good in luck.

Scrabble is not a puzzle to the genius, nor is it a breeze for the unintelligent. The game pushes you to think and use your brain. It’s fun and educating. Your opponent might put down a word that you may not have heard before and you learn what the definition is. This is school on a board.

The use of imagery in the representation of each individual letter is an effective way of making a strong visual connection between the word and the object (the word elephant is eight letters. The image is divided into eight sections). The division of the image allows the consumer to think, to ‘join the dots’ and feel good about resolving it. The ad becomes memorable.

The ad is simple and effective. It’s not complicated or hard to ‘get’. It’s everything that a winning add should be. Clever.  

Scrabble is a game that some enjoy and some don’t. If an ad for scrabble contained just letters and an ordinary headline, you’d turn the page instantly. This ad makes you stop and look. It makes you think, unravel and recollect. I now want to play scrabble.

For shits and giggles, FUN FACT OF THE DAY!

SCRABBLE means – to scratch frantically.