sOMETHING a lITTLE dIFFERENT

Naturally as television has commanded of us, we all aspire to be really tall and irregularly thin. Similar to what we call magazine worthy. Our self-doubt gets shunted into our draw of ‘things to work on’, and we continue to lie to others and ourselves through our mask of over confident and sociable personalities. For the lovelies that need not worry about any sort of weight problem, a casual weekend job for a page in glamour is nothing but a quick drop in. Why wouldn’t it be? Hair, nails, tan, bikini line, its all been taken care of once a week by Sandy at the day spa just upstairs in Cavendish. I don’t mean to poke at any model type figurines, only to explain that I being very short, and noticeably Greek on the hips, had never thought that I would be used for any sort of modeling. Look at a midget. The average height of a midget is four feet or approximately 1.2 meters. I’m not far from it. So, when I was approached by YOU magazine this weekend to be part of their hair makeover addition I was more than surprised. Of course I said yes.

I didn’t think much of the makeover until the very morning. Only then did I start to ponder on the fact that I was going to be put in clothes that may or may not fit to my body shape, regardless of whether I liked it or not. Have my makeup done by somebody else that may think natural is the new gothic and have my hairstyle done by some alternative hairstylist that may give me a seven-centimeter trim. I realized that I might end up looking like a tit.  

When I arrived no more than a minute late, everything was very well organized. Someone greeted me, took my things and walked me to my hairstylist who very politely introduced herself with a rosey attitude and a great sense of humour. She explained in detail the four different looks that we’d be doing and informed me that no colour or cut was coming near my hair. This was a makeover addition that shows woman how to style their hair for different occasions. Phew. I’ve recently started growing out my colour and allowing my hair to lengthen, so a cut or colour or any sort would have dampened the mood a bit.

The atmosphere was filled with discussion of which angles to shoot at, what dress would suit that particular occasion better and how the shots could be done within the time limit. Far in the corner was I. Sitting in the chair with curlers in my hair quietly getting my face put on. I started to feel a little intimidated. Soon, I’d be asked to get in front of the camera and strike a pose. What the hell? I had forgotten to run over this minor detail before I agreed to do this.

Images started flashing in my head. Shots from magazines, fashion TV and Facebook showoffs. These professional girls all do that same face but how do you do that face that they do? That face. The one where the eyes stare cold, the mouth hangs open and the neck looks snapped. That’s it! The dumb look! How on earth do I imitate the dumb look? I started to sweat. I started hoping that for some reason they wouldn’t need to use me anymore. “There we go sweetie, we’re all done with your face’. Oh shit.

Hair done, garment pinned and face powdered, I moved to stand in front of the white screen. Suddenly a big flash stunned my eyes and I embarrassingly had to regain my vision before we could start. “Ready?” No. The photographer pointed a massive camera directly into my direction making me feel a bit like prey to his lens. Another flash went off throwing me off guard and then another, then another. I was repeatedly asked to smile, show more teeth or push my chin out throughout the fist round of shots. I felt like an absolute asshole. 

When the round of shots were finally over everyone hurried over to a massive screen where all the photos where displayed. They all loved it, complimenting their work and my “beauty”, while I stood there disgusted at how my neck looked abnormally long. This was only round one.

Four looks meant four changes, four makeup applications and four hairstyles. Most of the time I felt uncomfortable, but that was only because I’d never had to do something like this before. I realized that what you feel may look nice does not necessarily translate too well on camera. Sticking your chin out as far as you can, may feel stupid, but on camera it’s what makes the picture. We continued with the day, finally to finish with four great looking photos and a very red faced me.

I enjoyed being the center of attention for the day. Having everyone fuss over me, run up to me mid shot and fix a glitch in my hairdo. It felt nice to get pampered. Would I do it again? Probably although I’d prefer to have an armature friend who has a love for photography take pictures of me in my back garden. That way both of us can decide if we like the photos or not. In two months time the YOU magazine will bring out their hair makeover addition. Look out for the girl with a crooked neck. That’s me.