sHE'S cOME aGAIN

 Winter is one hardhearted bitch. She loves a dramatic entrance; she’s very unpredictable and always fashionably late. Despite what we feel about her, she’ll pitch every year, become the center of attention and undoubtedly overstay her welcome. The worst part about her being here is that as much as we hate her, we still find ourselves talking nothing else but hours about her. 

It’s only because she makes doing anything and everything so much more of a struggle. Like sending a simple text from your phone. Usually our older generation ‘folk’ rave about the speed in which we work with these pocket-sized machines but during winter, the bones in our fingers become unserviceable in their deliverance. Sending a text becomes such a task.  

It’s hard enough driving in the rain but turn your heater on and she’ll fog up your windows sooner than you can warm up. It’s because of her that most of us refuse to drive anywhere; we’d prefer to stay safe, out of the rain and burrowed in our closed up little houses.

I often cringe for public transport victims. Stuck out like sore thumbs with wet socks and blue noses, traveling is the cause of their depression and inevitably leaves them smelling like wet dog. In winter I feel most thankful for my car. It’s not only the wet willy’s that dampen the city mood; it’s the rest of us too. Winter insists on everyone becoming rather unsexy. She won’t allow for anyone steeling her limelight. Our hair dry’s up, our skin breaks out and we always become a bit more cushioned. A good quality coat and a thick scarf is the most that we can show off.

Apart from her being uncouth, obtrusive, and a six-month ling chill, she does deliver immaculate sceneries; it shouldn’t go unnoticed. So when you can keep warm in front of the fire, with your cuddle buddy on one side and your dirty damp pets on the other, look outside and appreciate the fall of rain. After all, when you do manage to meet up with your girlfriend for a hot cup of tea and a bitch about the cold, she’s just outside the window, waiting to give you a frosty squeeze.

tRUTHFUL eNTERTAINMENT

 

I enjoy reacting to Advertisements, Facebook updates or pictures that are built on actual human truths. Usually, before we even laugh out loud, the first thing we say is “that’s so true”, and we enjoy the ground on which we’ve been able to relate.

Every Facebook user, Pinterest admirer or Twitter follower should by now have seen or become familiar with ‘your e cards”. They’re responsible for those little moments throughout the day, while your panning down your news feed, that you chuckle quietly to yourself and quickly press ‘Share’.

I most appreciate the cards that make fun of every day struggles. Relationship problems, work related glitches, family situations and most every day challenges we all unavoidably face. They’re areas in our lives that we emotionally take seriously but jokingly take the piss out of when we have the opportunity to, hence the effect of the ‘your e cards’.

It helps to have a good laugh at the truth doesn’t it? If you’re currently dealing with a rather messy breakup, there’s no denying the fact that you’re crying yourself to sleep at night so why not make a joke out of it? Sometimes it takes laughing at the truth to come to terms with it. A self-therapy of some sort.

A ponder on the mind has had me lost in thought these past few days. I’d really like to put these e cards to great use. Sure, they’re entertaining, easy to pass on via social networking but there must be another way that I could make use of them. Suppose I could use them as invites to my birthday party? The dry humour would have to tie in with the theme but could very well work if taken in the right perspective. Or, I could make coasters out of them. What a fun way of surprising your dinner guests. It could very well be the conversation starter to any awkward silent moment. Come to think of it, there are so many things that you can do with them, (DIY stuff), I should make it my goal during the holidays. Spend time making something exciting out of e cards. I’ll jot that onto my calendar.

Never the less, the joy I get out of reading those things is priceless. It’s that little giggle I need to myself everyday whilst my mind races over the other thousands of things I still need to do with my week.

It’s the next time you log onto Facebook, you just laughed. Click ‘share’, let us all enjoy it too.  

aLEXANDER sUPERTRAMP

“Your wrong if you think that the joy of life comes principally from human relationships. Gods placed it all around us, its in everything, its in anything we can experience. People just need to change the way they look at those things.” – Christopher Johnson McCandless

If there’s one thing in life I’ve always visualized myself doing, one thing I’ve always spurred myself to do but know I never will; it is to lose touch with all things material, look only to the unworldly and mission off ‘into the wild’.

Christopher Mccandless did it.  

A kid follows his dream. His dream kills him…

I only discovered the story of ‘Alexander Supertramp’ through the film “Into The Wild”, a book turned movie flick, based on a young troubled soul “running against the forces of darkness…all the evil in the world, all the hatred”, to discover himself amongst the Alaskan wilderness and to be as far away from civilization as he could get. Of course, with little experience or knowledge of the wilderness, Chris only lasted four months, until his body was found in an abandoned bus, weighing a disgusting thirty kg’s. Along with the mephitic body odor, the boy lay next to a journal, documenting 113 days of his life in the wild, many a cry for help.

The amount of bravery one needs to pull from under their skin to commit. To actually get up, and leave. Depart from everything secure and safe for a life of inadvertent spontaneous surprise day after the next. Only a loony could do that. Chris was a loony.

The film itself plays to the exact recordings of Chris’ time spent out in Alaska. It’s true to his journal, and accurate to the relationships he made along the way. He truly was a ‘supertramp’ as he proudly nicknamed himself.

Emile Hirsch who plays Christopher, plays his character to the exact expressions that Chris had. He mirrors Chris and who he was. You see fearlessness in Emile’s eyes, and cold black fear in those same eyes a while on. I was fooled into thinking that life could be that simple if you were selfish enough to let it be. Why not? He left his family with nothing but a worthless note. He burned his money, dumped his car and guessed which wild berries were safe to eat. Couldn’t I too?

He had a normal, if not better upbringing than I did. He finished school with top marks, graduated with a degree and made his father proud. What made him different to me?

“The freedom and simple beauty is too good to pass up...” – Christopher Johnson McCandless

I cant help but fear the personal chill attached to my neck at the thought that while Chris was discovering his weakness and crying himself to sleep in regret of his decision, I was only two, playing outside in a splash pool in the summer of April 1992.

“S.O.S. I need help. I am injured, near death, and too weak to hike out. I am all alone, this is no joke. In the name of God, please remain to save me. I am out collecting berries close by and shall return this evening. Thank you, Chris McCandless”.

While he was dying, I was learning to walk.

“Two years he walks the earth. No phone, no pool, no pets, no cigarettes. Ultimate freedom. An extremist. An aesthetic voyager whose home is the road. Escaped from Atlanta. Thou shalt not return, 'cause "the West is the best." And now after two rambling years comes the final and greatest adventure. The climactic battle to kill the false being within and victoriously conclude the spiritual pilgrimage. Ten days and nights of freight trains and hitchhiking bring him to the Great White North. No longer to be poisoned by civilization he flees, and walks alone upon the land to become lost in the wild. - Alexander Supertramp May 1992” – written in his journal.

Ps: If you’d like to know more, visit this website for pic’s and the full story. 

http://www.christophermccandless.info/bio.html

 

yOU dON'T hAVE tO wEAR sHOES hERE

I don’t like wearing shoes; I scarcely do. My backyard is a vegetable and herb garden and animals light up my spirit. I’m also not a hillbilly hippie, but I do prefer not to wear shoes, so anywhere in the valley is the perfect place to bare your toes, no matter what the weather.

Sunday was mother’s day. We all went crazy didn’t we? Shopping malls were infested with crazy people, restaurants were all on a spinning ball, and kiddies were dragging themselves along to please mama bear. We decided as a family, that this year we’d spend time together and have an easygoing unplanned day. We gradually ended up in the best spot Cape Town has to offer, Imhoff Farm Village.

If you like the idea of camels chilling on a field of grass on entry, and a farmyard of interesting quirky animals all happy and ready to great you, you’ll love that you can lose yourself in the cutest deli of cheese and olives, fruit and veg available in the restaurant overlooking the wild horses. You’ll fit right in.

I’ve never felt so at home. Like I could park off on the bench and wake up hours later, with not a worry in the world. Your kids are provided with endless entertainment, yes, there’s a snake park where they can touch and hold snakes. Leave them there and go sit in the tea garden, just remember to take them home later when you leave. There isn’t a stay over night facility.

When the weather is great, Imhoff village is the place to offload your family and arrange for a meeting time and spot for later. It’s a place that you can explore for hours. Look through the arts and crafts stores, the art gallery, go for a ride on the camels or just stretch out your legs over a hot cup of tea. Do what you want. That’s the right words.

tHE dARK sIDE

Most of us have somewhat an understanding of death; what it is, what it means. We don’t fear it. At least not until we come very close to it.

Our perception of death is different to what death really is. We only know it as a trifling of hurt in comparison to the lifetime of hollowness it is. Films and books will always hide from you, the months or years we cry ourselves to sleep, despite the fact that we graduated, got a promotion or met the man of our dreams. Those things do not fill the hole. Once you lose a loved one, a sister, a parent or child, you cross over into the opaque world. It can only then be seen in your eyes. 

I’ve met with death before. It’s a cold demon you never want to cross paths with, but one that you eventually will. It takes what it wants, when it wants it and doesn’t give a dam for the pain it causes to the world.

A few weeks ago, I listened to a radio ad for Red Cross. It’s a real life phone call between a paramedic and a mother who’s just found her thirteen-month-old baby lifeless and blue. Hearing the distressed mother try to resuscitate her child is the most chilling thing you could possibly listen to. It brings you very close to the reality of death. It will creep under your skin and give you a taste of fear.
But. It will also have you think about taking a first aid course, because you never know when you might need to save a life the way this brave mother did.

Chills*

gIGGLE mE tO tHE pAST

With such excitement over the long weekend my family and I decided to go to Shelly Point just a short drives distance from Langebaan, up the West Coast. The weather sported buckets of rain and had us trapped inside for two days, encouraging us to bond as a family over board games and old DVD’s. ‘Old’ is accurate. From behind the dusty television set, a copy of Leon Schuster’s “The Millennium Menace” was our source of entertainment. And man did we crack it!

If you don't know Leon Schuster, there's something wrong with you. Every South African knows of this Afrikaans speaking, humour filled white guy, that masks himself as every race and gender. He's hilarious. He's a professional con-artist so to say, someone that thrives on pranking innocent South Africans in public places, every time to produce a massive smile on their face once his identity is revealed.

To look back on his first ever skits was a trip down memory lane. Its what we loved as children and it brought the family together in erupts of laughter. It was the talk of the western cape, this Leon dude wat maak ons lag, lekker!

The most memorable skit in this old but always fresh movie is when they pretend to be shooting a commercial for ‘Rainbow Yogurt’. They pull a man up who clearly loves the camera, and have him practice lines, his attempt to entice his audience into this yummy tasting yogurt. When they send him off for make-up, they fiddle with his yogurt, adding Tabasco sauce, vinegar and a bunch of other hot ingredients. Let me not spoil the rest. Watch out for the last guy, it's brilliant! 

iS yOURS wAXED?

Here’s a question. When you go and get your vagina waxed, do you put it up as your Facebook status? Or maybe you just call a friend to let them know that you just had it done, and in fact, this time went for the full-monty instead of the usual landing strip. You’re most likely not one to share such information, so the thought of telling people how sensitive your girlie parts feel today is more than a bit of a cringe.

Ding Dong! Queue the Queen Bee Salon and Spa! My god but does this salon not shy from the raw facts behind waxing and beautifying the devil down there. I only discovered this confident and casual beauty spa, because of their brave and upfront print ads. Such as these!

Very comical. A bit shocking at first; uncomfortable to the eye. I don’t like to imagine bare chickens running around. They seem less healthy that way. But, it’s not as bad as the hairless cat. I’d purposefully run that thing over without flinching. I’d even smile while I did it.

Lets not forget the bloody beaver. Cute animal, usually. This one reminds me of those seventy six year old gym fanatics that take steroids and pump iron like a teenager can.

Yes, it’s a different site at first, but you have to admit that it’s really funny once you notice what the ad is for.

I like it because it’s simple but it’s cheeky too. Take something cute and make it ugly. How dare they? But they did. And we like it.

It’s not to say that if you come to the salon and get your lady bits waxed that it will look ugly. Of course not. They’re simply sending out the message that any part of you, big or small, can be waxed, without a problem and without leaving one strand of hair behind. Basically, they're the best beauty spa on the market. They best way to communicate this, is to take something fluffy, something that we only really ever see with hair on it, and take the hair off. It worked. 

To further the bold statement, a visit to the website will introduce you to the confident tone and manner of the staff at Queen Bee Salon & Spa. No joking around. Why use the word blemish when the word pimple exists? And why soften the talk when you could just say it the way it is. Trust me. I did feel slightly uncomfortable when I started reading the blog. I was shocked to read certain truths and didn’t want to admit to them. But what really fascinated me was that it is written with such honesty and bravery. Most things that women hate to ask each other in case they are ‘weird’ for having that, or doing that, or feeling that, is all spoken about on the website. And it suites the print ads perfectly. What you see is what you get.

So do yourself a favour. The next time you travel over to your local beauty spa to get your precious princess groomed, open up a little. Ask the questions you really want to ask. Don’t beat around the bush.